Post TechWomen Gatherings

I have to admit ... since the first experience back in 2011, I struggle for quite some time with lonliness and emptiness after any techwomen gathering just to go back to normal and cope with the regular daily routine. 

Maybe that's because the change itself takes you high .. even if you are super tired and busy, but still it is a change and refreshment from your daily routine. surrounded with likeminded and close to age friends who feel like family, Their eyes tell how they can see the best in you :) Somehow I feel secured, supported and confident and for some reason as if am not responsible of anything but am being taken cared of 

The positive atmosphere takes you over the moon and it is not easy just to be bumped on earth suddenly!

Tension and Fears

At the moment tension is coming from many areas

1- At work, was not satisfied and not happy with the change .. not satisfied but resistant to change and scared .. don't want to end up as a P&G employee cause I hate the environment there and moreover don't want to start over again .. so, have to find another job before I end up having no options. So deep in a comfort zone to the extent that I cannot imagine myself in a different place. and am not clear on what I want to do next even to start looking for opportunities. In a bad need to have a diversified income sources .. but still didn't find the right tools. Searching for what I want to do as a full time job, what would act as a secondary part time one and what I will do for impact and change

2- A big debt need to be paid as soon as possible with limited resources 

3- It has been 3 years or even more, need to finish the house furnishing 

4- Teenpreneurs ... what is gonna be? Need to settle down on what I will be doing for making impact .. if it remains, it need to grow and sustain .. need to be more well structured

5- Will I ever find love? 

I need a Mentor

I always thought that you need to decide your direction once and it is for all .. but recently have realized it is not true .. even if your direction was clear at certain moment, sometimes you get lost in the middle of nowhere. You need to update your plans .. sometimes at milestones you lose visibilty and it looks foggy. 

It needs to put the effort again, try, search and explore till the right door open and the light shows the correct path.

It is Okay to get lost from time to time

It Is Hard to Explain

It is hard to explain how I feel now 

Mixed feelings .. am getting emotional just thinking about the last years working with people am quite sure will never meet someone like them again ... 

I feel that my mind is just on a hung state (Frozen) and still can't translate the situation into the right feeling

Thinking about the future ... my plan to pay back my debts ... the scare to go out of my comfort zone and sometimes relief that I am now enforced to change my place and get rid of this tough job

The struggle to keep everything in control .. uncertainty .. just random thoughts 

Also a hope and strong faith that God is always doing the best and nothing less than the best

Also concerned about the probability of not finidng a good option ... 

I don't know .. It is hard to explain and put it into words :) 

Nostalgia

I miss the old days...

I miss the smell of hot bread and falafel with Dad coming back home at night 

I miss the new year evening celebration at my uncle's house 

I miss the school days when I want something I just ask for it and don't care how they will get it


مفتقدة جدا ريحة العيش السخن والطعمية وبابا راجع من برة 

مفتقدة ليلة راس السنة في بيت خالي 

مفتقدة ايام المدرسة لما كنت اعوز حاجة واطلبها ومليش دعوة حيجيبوهالي منين

The Mission

I believe the mission of being on earth is to make the world a better place .. that what is making life worth living for me .. I feel it is not meant to be an endless cycle or just running in loops; you are alive so you have to work in order to afford living and when this cycle comes to an end, nothing happens .. no added value to the universe and accordingly when you die nothing is missed. 

2017 Highlights

The first highlight of 2017 was the Magic of Prayers :) I felt it so much "so much" in a couple of things ...

When I prayed hard to travel to Manchester for the CSA training, it was my first business trip ever and first time in the UK as well. It was really so complicated, starting from getting the company approvals, getting the visa and have it on time and definitely going there and meet some people in person... I consider it as a miracle 

Second time, was really hard .. no one has the power to make things except ALLAH. When I discovered this lump and literally, I was scared to death, had a very hard time imagining deeply worst case scenarios :'( Alhamdolilah .. without Allah could never have passed this Alhamdolilah and thankfully x-rays showed it is a benign. Was really a hard experience would never wish anyone to pass through the same .. wish if I can do something to positively impact and help those humans who have to go through this nightmare :) Alhamdolilah till the end of my life 

Also Alhamdolilah, was asking God in Ramdan to help me pray Fajr on time .. still not doing it the best way but am grateful that Allah is helping me to get better on this :) 

The year had a hard start, the last months of 2016 lost my uncle whom i consider my backbone (literally!) and my role model since my early childhood years .. the one I used to feel secured as long as he is alive and many times I wished deeply he stays forever and even I die before him but Allah has a different plan and HIS plan is always the best. Still living in denial is my only defense and Allah the Merciful has directed me to go for the gym, excercise more and lose weight (which is one of my biggest achievment in 2017; I lost 13 kg in a year Alhamdolilah MSA). Tried the Zumba classes for the first time which honestly have a huge impact on me especially in getting over stress and depression :)
At the beginning was so disappointed from my friend Eman's reaction but I just let it go! 

Visited places for the first time in my life inside and outside Egypt; Aswan, EL-Nuba, EL-Fayoum, Manchester, Paris and Barcelona :) 

Michelle Haley is one of the year's highlights :) discovering Nehal EL-Ghazawy as a real honest friend was a great blessing :) 

Alhamdolilah :)